Every day I feel like I don't have any control over what's happening. It's as minor as when I get to brush my teeth or as major as "Uh oh, this bill is due TODAY!" That happened yesterday, but luckily it was for a store so I stopped on my way home and paid it. Kylie just had to ride the escalator, so we did it once. I had Chloe in the stroller so I just left her and went on the escalator with Kylie because Kylie thought she could do it by herself. When we got to the top, she had no clue where to go to get to the bottom again. And no, I didn't leave Chloe, I left the stroller and carried Chloe.
I know God is in control, but I play a part in my life. Sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting for life to begin, or get better. Then I think "life is going on now, pay attention!" Sometimes I feel like things will be better once this is done or that is over. Will it really be better, or is that a pipe dream? Right now I would love to contract the whole house out so Joel was free to spend time with the girls and I. I don't offer up doing things because that would take away from him working on things. It's a crappy place to be. I don't know how to find any balance - with anything - Chaos. You'd know it if you saw my purse, what a jumble of stuff I have in it.
Tomorrow Chloe has an eye appointment. I pray that will go well and it won't take 4 hours. They will have to dilate her eyes. Now that she's more mobile, I'm not sure how this will go.
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