Friday, March 30, 2012
Bathroom Fun
These are from March 19, 2012
Kylie has a nice blue tongue.
Chloe just got back from playing some tennis
Chloe's First Step
I completely forgot about Chloe taking her first step on Tuesday! She was standing up, which she likes to do a lot of lately and then she took a step toward Joel. She'll be running around by next week! Sometimes time go so quickly. I can't believe she is 14 months (or 11 months adjusted). I love her smile, it makes my day better whenever I see her smiling.
Today I have both girls at home since the day care is closed for a teacher training. I was hoping it would be nice out but it's stormy. Great day to watch Mary Poppins which we just finished with. I have some things I'd like to get from the store but hopefully I can do that later, I don't really have the energy right now, plus it will be lunch and nap soon and then at about 5 I'm going to take them to a fish fry to get fish fry to go. It's the last Friday for them as next Friday is Good Friday. Kylie love fish (breaded of course and with butter, don't ask me why she like it like that). Chloe loves the mac and cheese and applesauce that is also served with the fish. I think I'm going to try a different fish fry today, it's hard working until 5 to pick up the girls and go to the church in time for the meal. The church we usually go to serves from 4:30 to 7:00 but I'm not sure on how late others go until. I've also heard some are very popular and you want to get there early. That's why I'm going to go at 5 and just get it to go.
Joel and I are actually going on a movie date tonight. We have a popcorn bucket that expires on Sunday and we've only used it once. Plus we have coupons to use up that came with the bucket, as a Christmas gift from Joel's department. And, can you believe this, we are going to the movies tomorrow night too (hopefully if our friend can still watch Kylie and Chloe). It will be nice to have that alone time. I would love to see October Baby. I know Joel wants to see some action packed something, like Clash of the Titans or whatever. We've got two chance so I should get to pick one and he should get to pick one
Time for lunch!
Today I have both girls at home since the day care is closed for a teacher training. I was hoping it would be nice out but it's stormy. Great day to watch Mary Poppins which we just finished with. I have some things I'd like to get from the store but hopefully I can do that later, I don't really have the energy right now, plus it will be lunch and nap soon and then at about 5 I'm going to take them to a fish fry to get fish fry to go. It's the last Friday for them as next Friday is Good Friday. Kylie love fish (breaded of course and with butter, don't ask me why she like it like that). Chloe loves the mac and cheese and applesauce that is also served with the fish. I think I'm going to try a different fish fry today, it's hard working until 5 to pick up the girls and go to the church in time for the meal. The church we usually go to serves from 4:30 to 7:00 but I'm not sure on how late others go until. I've also heard some are very popular and you want to get there early. That's why I'm going to go at 5 and just get it to go.
Joel and I are actually going on a movie date tonight. We have a popcorn bucket that expires on Sunday and we've only used it once. Plus we have coupons to use up that came with the bucket, as a Christmas gift from Joel's department. And, can you believe this, we are going to the movies tomorrow night too (hopefully if our friend can still watch Kylie and Chloe). It will be nice to have that alone time. I would love to see October Baby. I know Joel wants to see some action packed something, like Clash of the Titans or whatever. We've got two chance so I should get to pick one and he should get to pick one
Time for lunch!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Slacker
I am a slacker, but not really. I've been busy doing other things except typing on the blog. There's so much to keep up on at home and at work. Why don't I have any time to sit and relax?
It's hard, trying not to rush time. I think "why the girls are older, they can be doing whatever and I will have time to me again." I might be fooling myself, but that is what I think. Then I realize I shouldn't think that way and I should enjoy the 'now.'
I'm just not feeling normal, like the weather I guess. How can I get out of my funk? I have an idea but I don't know.
I've got to tell the story of a new devotional bible I bought at the Christian bookstore but I will do that another time.
This was from last Monday, the 19th:
It's been so nice out, we've been trying to be outside as much as we can. We've gone to the park a few times last week. Saturday was St. Patrick's Day so we went to the parade downtown. Kylie got some candy and was a bit disappointed she didn't get a green necklace, but she was next to another little girl named Kylie. That was interesting because I would hear the grandma say "look that Kylie only took one piece of candy." The other Kylie was probably 6. Sunday Joel did a lot of yard work and Kylie and I did some in the backyard but it's hard to do a lot when there's a Chloe Bear around. I did take Kylie to Wilcox Park after dinner. That park is a bit further away from our house but has a bit nicer equipment to play on.
This morning had some excitement in it. Joel and I had driven separately because he was going to work late. I was taking the girls to day care and Joel called. He had a flat tire. Well I was at a point on the road where I was able to swing onto the highway and around to give him the van jack as the car one was rusted. Once Joel got the spare on I had to follow him to a park n ride just down the rode and then take him to work. I dropped him off and then dropped the girls off. I got to work by 9 so not too bad, I easily made up the time. After work I had to take the tire to Sam's and they fixed it and then we went and picked Joel up from
It's hard, trying not to rush time. I think "why the girls are older, they can be doing whatever and I will have time to me again." I might be fooling myself, but that is what I think. Then I realize I shouldn't think that way and I should enjoy the 'now.'
I'm just not feeling normal, like the weather I guess. How can I get out of my funk? I have an idea but I don't know.
I've got to tell the story of a new devotional bible I bought at the Christian bookstore but I will do that another time.
This was from last Monday, the 19th:
It's been so nice out, we've been trying to be outside as much as we can. We've gone to the park a few times last week. Saturday was St. Patrick's Day so we went to the parade downtown. Kylie got some candy and was a bit disappointed she didn't get a green necklace, but she was next to another little girl named Kylie. That was interesting because I would hear the grandma say "look that Kylie only took one piece of candy." The other Kylie was probably 6. Sunday Joel did a lot of yard work and Kylie and I did some in the backyard but it's hard to do a lot when there's a Chloe Bear around. I did take Kylie to Wilcox Park after dinner. That park is a bit further away from our house but has a bit nicer equipment to play on.
This morning had some excitement in it. Joel and I had driven separately because he was going to work late. I was taking the girls to day care and Joel called. He had a flat tire. Well I was at a point on the road where I was able to swing onto the highway and around to give him the van jack as the car one was rusted. Once Joel got the spare on I had to follow him to a park n ride just down the rode and then take him to work. I dropped him off and then dropped the girls off. I got to work by 9 so not too bad, I easily made up the time. After work I had to take the tire to Sam's and they fixed it and then we went and picked Joel up from
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Out of Office
I was out of the office today because Chloe woke up with a fever. 102.4. Not sure what exactly is going on so I took her to Urgent Care as her doctor was out today. I thought ear infection, which the NP said the right ear is a little pink so we'll have to watch it in the next day or so. I think she is teething too. Her fever went down when I gave her Tylenol and hasn't returned so that is good news. It looks like I'll be working Friday to make up for today. It's okay though. I had lots of fun hanging with my Chloe Bear. She is so fun to watch and play with.
I'm hoping we might still be able to go for a walk since it is so nice outside. Feels strange having the windows open on March 14. Hopefully Chloe isn't sick because of the flux in the weather.
Sunday we had fun at Craig's Cruisers. Kylie got to see all her friends from her old school (the one that closed). It's so fun to watch how she wanted to be by Caydence her BFF. : ) Too cute. Kylie did have an accident though. She got to drive a little race car (John Deere, my dad and brother in law would be proud). Well, she put her foot on the gas and kept going straight. This is a track, so she is suppose to turn and she didn't. BOOM! Right into the side rail and a tire bounced off. She started to cry and want out, so the worker got her out and handed her to Joel. She was good after a few minutes and she only got a small mark on her neck from the seat belt. I wondered if she didn't realize she had to turn because she rode with Joel earlier in a car where she also had a steering wheel so maybe she thought she was steering good enough. At least she's okay. Because it was her birthday, she could spin the Birthday Wheel and win a prize. She won a family four pack to use before June something. She had a blast there and now we can go back. We would have to go back anyway because we still have some tickets to use up.
As for myself. I'm so so. I stopped seeing my counselor last December but I'm thinking I need to start again. Just to help talk about things. Joel says I can talk to him but when I do he doesn't get it and he won't because he's not a woman. We are wired differently. Men are from Mars. I don't think I do the best explaining myself either but I try and will keep trying. This isn't all the time, just sometimes.
Right now, Kylie would be very mad at Chloe as Chloe is playing with Kylie's tea set from Grandma up North. It's so cute how she bangs the plates together and uses the utensils like real ones. Now she's off to look out the window. That is me, I love to just look out the window or sit on the porch and take it all in.
I'm hoping we might still be able to go for a walk since it is so nice outside. Feels strange having the windows open on March 14. Hopefully Chloe isn't sick because of the flux in the weather.
Sunday we had fun at Craig's Cruisers. Kylie got to see all her friends from her old school (the one that closed). It's so fun to watch how she wanted to be by Caydence her BFF. : ) Too cute. Kylie did have an accident though. She got to drive a little race car (John Deere, my dad and brother in law would be proud). Well, she put her foot on the gas and kept going straight. This is a track, so she is suppose to turn and she didn't. BOOM! Right into the side rail and a tire bounced off. She started to cry and want out, so the worker got her out and handed her to Joel. She was good after a few minutes and she only got a small mark on her neck from the seat belt. I wondered if she didn't realize she had to turn because she rode with Joel earlier in a car where she also had a steering wheel so maybe she thought she was steering good enough. At least she's okay. Because it was her birthday, she could spin the Birthday Wheel and win a prize. She won a family four pack to use before June something. She had a blast there and now we can go back. We would have to go back anyway because we still have some tickets to use up.
As for myself. I'm so so. I stopped seeing my counselor last December but I'm thinking I need to start again. Just to help talk about things. Joel says I can talk to him but when I do he doesn't get it and he won't because he's not a woman. We are wired differently. Men are from Mars. I don't think I do the best explaining myself either but I try and will keep trying. This isn't all the time, just sometimes.
Right now, Kylie would be very mad at Chloe as Chloe is playing with Kylie's tea set from Grandma up North. It's so cute how she bangs the plates together and uses the utensils like real ones. Now she's off to look out the window. That is me, I love to just look out the window or sit on the porch and take it all in.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Depressed?
I don't know what's wrong with me lately, this weekend. I have bouts of energy but I feel like if it was just me and Joel I'd have no energy. Yesterday I took Kylie to the store with me, I had a list of what I needed, but I still wondered around and felt like I didn't know what I was doing. I took an hour nap as well but did not want to get up. I have to drink Mountain Dew as that seems to help me get going. Plus it helped to walk to the park. I need more exercise. Today I'm feeling that same blah feeling which I know I will snap out of (or cover up) by 3 when we are at Craig's Cruisers for a late birthday party for Kylie.
It's weird to me that on the day of Faith's death I was pretty okay. But as the week progressed, especially Thursday morning, my emotions were going haywire. Thursday as we drove to daycare, I thought about the day Faith died and how it was so unbelievable that any of it was happening. Faith was doing fine. Then all of a sudden I'm holding her cold body in my arms. Part of me feels like she just couldn't take the transfer of hospitals and if she would have just stayed at St. Mary's she'd be fine. The only pictures we have of the two of them together and with us are from that day.
I have every right to imagine what caring for twins would be like and I just can't. It's like a mind block, or one of those that I absolutely have to experience before I know. I had the same thing about getting married, I couldn't really picture it until it happened.
Well, I actually feel better writing and crying. Plus it's hard to stay sad for too long when watching Chloe. Currently she is looking out the window, banging on it, saying "da da da." Daddy is downstairs so I know she can't see him but must think he is outside. She does smile a lot which I'm thankful for. I don't think I could handle a serious baby. I'm using the laptop and she apparently thought I need to use our PC because she went and turned it on. I say "no" to her and she just looks at me and smiles. Little Miss Mischievous. She's moved on to picking out a movie : ) We have to start getting ready for the rest of our day.
It's weird to me that on the day of Faith's death I was pretty okay. But as the week progressed, especially Thursday morning, my emotions were going haywire. Thursday as we drove to daycare, I thought about the day Faith died and how it was so unbelievable that any of it was happening. Faith was doing fine. Then all of a sudden I'm holding her cold body in my arms. Part of me feels like she just couldn't take the transfer of hospitals and if she would have just stayed at St. Mary's she'd be fine. The only pictures we have of the two of them together and with us are from that day.
I have every right to imagine what caring for twins would be like and I just can't. It's like a mind block, or one of those that I absolutely have to experience before I know. I had the same thing about getting married, I couldn't really picture it until it happened.
Well, I actually feel better writing and crying. Plus it's hard to stay sad for too long when watching Chloe. Currently she is looking out the window, banging on it, saying "da da da." Daddy is downstairs so I know she can't see him but must think he is outside. She does smile a lot which I'm thankful for. I don't think I could handle a serious baby. I'm using the laptop and she apparently thought I need to use our PC because she went and turned it on. I say "no" to her and she just looks at me and smiles. Little Miss Mischievous. She's moved on to picking out a movie : ) We have to start getting ready for the rest of our day.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Faith's Angelversary
Today is the day. One year ago today our world came crashing down. I can't even explain how I feel, sad, empty, depressed, angry. I haven't really cried today, not yet anyway. Last night I broke down in front of Kylie saying "I can't do this." She went to her bed and was really sad and on the verge of tears. Poor girl, I didn't want her to feel like she had done anything wrong. So I sat on the bed with her and talked to her about Faith and asked if she remembers. She didn't really. I was telling her the it's okay Faith died as she is with Jesus "remember baby Jesus?" I had to get out her children's bible to show her pictures of Jesus as a baby, a little kid, and then all grown up. Who knows if she understood any of it. Just before bed the past few days have been when I get really sad and cry.
I'm torn in two. It is okay that Faith is in Heaven as I don't know how she would be doing if she were here with us (or how we would be able to handle twins, we're worn out with just Miss I Have To Be Into Everything Chloe and Kylie). The other half of me wonders how it all would be if she were alive. Would she be like Chloe? I know they would look alike but would she be as chubby at age 1? These questions I will always wonder about. I'll only know those answers when I get to Heaven.
Today we are doing family activities. We went to church and have already been to Meijer Gardens to see the butterflies. They were beautiful. I was hoping one would land on me or Chloe. Some might have landed on Chloe if Kylie wasn't around always moving the stroller and getting in Chloe's face. There were a lot of them, it was really cool. We came home to eat lunch and have some rainbow jello. I made strawberry, blue raspberry, lime, and grape layers. I'll post a picture maybe tonight. After nap, Joel wants to get some pictures of Chloe and then we are going to visit Faith's grave and put some flowers on it. Joel and I want to bring some fleece to St. Mary's but we will wait until we can just take Chloe with us.
Chloe is getting better and better at walking behind her baby stroller. She is so cute. This is another way I feel torn. We are so blessed to have Kylie and Chloe. I know somehow we're blessed to have Faith as an angel, some days I can see it, but it's so hard when I can't. How crazy is someone who says "We're blessed to have our child die and be in Heaven." That sounds horrible, as if you're happy your child died. Obviously there's way more to that as you have to look at the whole picture. I know Faith is serving a higher purpose including looking after Chloe and her mom, dad, and big sister.
That's all I can write. I feel so out of place as of late, I don't know which way I'm going. Maybe I shouldn't say "as of late." This is all the time. Too much going through my head. Then we have to throw in "Should we send Kylie to preschool?" Ugh. I don't know. I need a nap.
I'm torn in two. It is okay that Faith is in Heaven as I don't know how she would be doing if she were here with us (or how we would be able to handle twins, we're worn out with just Miss I Have To Be Into Everything Chloe and Kylie). The other half of me wonders how it all would be if she were alive. Would she be like Chloe? I know they would look alike but would she be as chubby at age 1? These questions I will always wonder about. I'll only know those answers when I get to Heaven.
Today we are doing family activities. We went to church and have already been to Meijer Gardens to see the butterflies. They were beautiful. I was hoping one would land on me or Chloe. Some might have landed on Chloe if Kylie wasn't around always moving the stroller and getting in Chloe's face. There were a lot of them, it was really cool. We came home to eat lunch and have some rainbow jello. I made strawberry, blue raspberry, lime, and grape layers. I'll post a picture maybe tonight. After nap, Joel wants to get some pictures of Chloe and then we are going to visit Faith's grave and put some flowers on it. Joel and I want to bring some fleece to St. Mary's but we will wait until we can just take Chloe with us.
Chloe is getting better and better at walking behind her baby stroller. She is so cute. This is another way I feel torn. We are so blessed to have Kylie and Chloe. I know somehow we're blessed to have Faith as an angel, some days I can see it, but it's so hard when I can't. How crazy is someone who says "We're blessed to have our child die and be in Heaven." That sounds horrible, as if you're happy your child died. Obviously there's way more to that as you have to look at the whole picture. I know Faith is serving a higher purpose including looking after Chloe and her mom, dad, and big sister.
That's all I can write. I feel so out of place as of late, I don't know which way I'm going. Maybe I shouldn't say "as of late." This is all the time. Too much going through my head. Then we have to throw in "Should we send Kylie to preschool?" Ugh. I don't know. I need a nap.
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