What a day. I believe it's been a good one, I only cried a couple of times. This morning at breakfast I told Joel it should have been two chubbers to wish Happy Birthday to, not just one. Then, at 3 PM, I felt really sick, like I was going to throw up. The girls were born at 3:11 and 3:12. I drink some water and and slowly started to feel better. We had some friends and family over, just a small group, for dinner and that was really nice. I thought maybe I'd breakdown but I didn't, too much to do. Chloe had potatoes and carrots and Cheerios for dinner. For her dessert, she had rainbow Jello while the rest of us had a cupcake. People were fascinated by the rainbow Jello that everyone had a piece of that too. That's fine, it's good stuff. I think our small group will get to partake in some on Tuesday as well since we have enough. I don't really like just plain Jello, so the fun way to eat it is to make a rainbow. It was grape, orange, blue raspberry, and lime.
Chloe got some excellent presents. A couple of babies, stroller, book and polar bear, outfit, musical caterpillar, a video titled "Chloe's Closet" (or something like that), a stuffed kitten and a doll that she can practice zipping, snapping, buttoning, buckle, etc. She is a very fortunate girl to have such caring people around her, and not just the people that came tonight but all her family and friend, even strangers that have prayed for her. What a blessing.
Last year, the doctor wanted to check me daily. That was fine, I was in the hospital anyway, not like I had big plans everyday. He came in the morning and did a scan. He didn't like what he saw and gave me more fluids and said he would scan me later. I think he scanned me three times and he just didn't feel comfortable leaving the babies in. The fear was the placenta wasn't doing a good job providing nourishment. He schedule me for an afternoon C-section. I held out for a week because the doctor thought Chloe and Faith were going to have to come out the previous weekend when I was 25 weeks. How scary.
I made a couple of phone calls to tell people Jan 22 would be the day. This is my dad's birthday as well (Happy Birthday Dad.) I was also reminded that it was the anniversary of Roe v. Wade, making abortion legal in the US. It breaks my heart to know that here I am fighting to have my babies, having no control of this disease, and knowing other women as well that fought or are fighting today because they can't control it, and then having women just killing their babies just because ____. Is it really worth it? We put our trust in God and said whatever He does with this, we'll accept. We may not be happy with it but we'll accept it. I have to confess that after they were born, I didn't want to see them. I was so afraid they would die that I thought it would be better. I got to kiss each of their heads as they were swept away to the NICU but then I can't remember if I went down later that day or the next to see them. I saw their tiny helpless bodies in an incubator and I didn't know what to do or how to act. I eventually got comfortable with the situation, I had to as they were going to be their for awhile.
It seems so sad to say that the best times ever where in that NICU, just because Faith was there and Chloe was there and then on Sundays Kylie could visit. We had a couple of great Sundays. We couldn't stay long but that was okay. I remember feeling good because things were going good. What happened? I want to know that answer, why Faith stayed as short (or as long) as she did. I hope some day to know whether I'm here on Earth or in Heaven.
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