Sorry

I want to start with an apology about yesterday's note.  It shouldn't matter if no one post or gives money, I hardly ever do myself on Facebook or emails, but yesterday I felt it did. I've got a lot going on right now that I can't write about.  This means I should be writing in my journal but I haven't.  I was feeling like I was in 3rd grade again and no one wanted to play with me or be my friend (can you see the need to be accepted coming through?).  I was alone.  I was feeling that way yesterday.  I know I shouldn't feel that way because I know people love me and do care, I was only looking at Blog results and that shows a different story.  I just feel no one wants to keep hearing about me and my life.  Things have calmed down considerably since last year.  I know I need to continue as part of healing - the real healing would be to read all I've written on Caring Bridge and here.   I do want to give a big Thank you to those that did comment and let you know you don't have to do it again.  I see you face to face or get texts and emails from you so I know you care.  And no one feel obligated to give money.  I had made $500 my personal goal when I signed up for the March of Dimes walk, then our work came out with an incentive package and if you reach the top ($500) you get all the perks they are giving.  One is executive recognition and I thought "if we get that maybe more people will hear our story."  I don't really know what the recognition is - our name on a piece of paper that the whole company sees and a letter from the CEO telling us thanks would be my guess now.

I'm putting this past in the past and moving forwarded for a brighter future.  That's what I have to keep telling myself.

I want to put the focus back on the girls in my life.  I said I would tell the story of a devotional I picked up and I'm ready to share.  This devotional says "Faith" on the front.  There were others that said "Hope" and "Love" but of course Faith spoke to me.  I picked this up over a lunch hour along with a wooden painted bird I found that said "Faith" and brought it into work. The bird sits on my desk.  I was showing off the Bible, New Testament with Psalms and Proverbs to our department administrator.  The front page has a piece of scripture and then "Presented To...By...On the Occasion of...Data"  I'm not sure what to put in there but the admin said I should put to me by Faith and that's a great idea.  I felt the scripture was actually talking to me.  It's says "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see."  Hebrews 11:1. We have a plaque that says something similar but it didn't make sense until I read this version.  This is why we gave Faith her name.  I remember saying "I put my trust in the Lord and I'm praying his outcome is the outcome I want as well."  I thought it was too until that fateful morning of March 4 when we got the phone call from the doctor.